Bren’s writing and movies blog

Because I have an opinion about creativity and know how to use it

Outsourcing Panic

Posted by brenatevi on July 23, 2008

“Junior executive assistant to the vice speaking chairman Drebin, plrease step forward.”

Drebin had to stop and do some mental calculus to make sure that the senior executive speaking officer was actually talking to it. If he had meant Drebin’s boss, he would have surely said “Vice speaking chairman Lolcats.” Drebin also mentally subtracted the “r” from please; it doesn’t do to correct a senior executive speaking officer.

And Drebin had done all of this mental math in a nanosecond, which is the reason that it was Junior executive assistant to the vice speaking chairman. “Yes sir?”

“The stockmarket has taken a kazillion point dive. After the last market adjustment, we were forced to layoff too many jobs, and none of the executives are qualified to deal with the situation at hand.”

“Excuse me sir?”

And this is why Drebin wasn’t a Senior executive assistant to the vice speaking chairman. Neither its mind reading skills nor its fluency in bureacraticese had developed enough to deal well with situations such as these. Soon, Drebin promised in the quarter second it was allowed once it realized its faux pax.

“You are forgiven. You are still young. As I was saying, we do not have the correct personnel for panic. Call Hondolorin of Profesionals R Us. Get us the best in frantic.”

“May I ask why, sir?”

“We need people to jump out the windows as our stock plummets, unless you are volunteering.”

“No sir. Any particular species?”


I tapped this out on my cellphone while waiting at an appointment. I love my Treo. The title was one I came up with quite a while back, and I’m not sure what I was thinking at the moment, because all I did was type out the title and the rest of the file was blank. But I’m quite happy with end result, even if it is a bit short.

For a moment, I was going to take it a more serious route, but reconsidered. The title just wasn’t one that lent well to seriousness.


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